Certain anniversaries and events, and something someone said to me recently, made me reflect on the recent past, and today seems a good day to go public.
To the day, it's exactly 14 months since Clare died and 12 months since I ruptured my Achilles tendon. It's been a difficult 14 months, that's for sure. During my blacker moments, I've wondered what the point is, and have been tempted to reach for the gin (or sometimes worse). However, I never have, and never would.
There is always cause for hope and optimism. It's tempting (as a glass half empty person) to look back and think that another year has gone by and it's been bloody terrible, but it hasn't. In the last year, there have been moments of real joy, delight, and exhilaration. Some really good times with friends and family, and on my own. Even simple things like lying on top of North Hill, listening to the larks and feeling the wind and sun on my face, are precious and delightful moments.
Life can be pretty bad sometimes, but maybe you need the bad times in order to properly appreciate the good times.
A final aside regarding Facebook. Facebook can be extremely depressing. Watching other people having a great time, while you aren't, can be unhelpful if you are in the wrong mindset. Liking Facebook posts and pages for things that you can't achieve, or as a substitute for the real thing, is just fantasy. Fantasy is OK, in moderation. I've "liked" numerous photos of Scotland, but what I should have done is just organised a trip up there and taken my own photos. There are complex reasons why I haven't, but let's call them excuses.
Don't get me wrong, social media is great, but it's not a substitute for real life, not even when you're stuck at home with your leg in plaster, missing the person who usually organises your holidays for you! Also, posting stuff on Facebook when you are looking for sympathy is just self-indulgence. I've considered deleting my Facebook account on several occasions, but really it's just a matter of keeping things in perspective.